A year half-full: reflections during my first six months in Tokyo
Being on a career break means that I have had time to reflect about life and time to take photos of things being reflected in water (which is slowly turning into a problem) like the one at the start of this post. Here are some of the reflections, both trivial and important, that I’ve had each month during our first six months here.
February: Moving abroad makes you question and challenge your values and norms
When thinking about which country to move to we wanted to go somewhere that was significantly different to the UK. And boy is Japan different. When it comes to the big stuff, everyone is aware there are fundamental differences between the UK and Japanese societies and we generally knew what to expect.
But it was the many small differences which, though unremarkable on their own, feel like a significant divergence from what we considered to be the norm when taken together. For example, the formality when you address others, the little money tray for you to place your cash on when paying in shop, the strict queuing patterns for trains, the layout of bathrooms at home, the (small) size of milk cartons, or the ubiquity of vending machines are all unfamiliar and are a reflection of Japanese values and way of thinking. And my reaction in our early days to encountering all these differences was “whyyyyyyy?” as in “why on earth are you doing things this way?” just because it was different to home. But I quickly flipped the “why?” into “why not?” as in “sure, why not do things this way!” - different doesn’t mean it is bad or wrong, and often quite the opposite!
Growing up in a certain place means you subconsciously accept and become accustomed to the particular cultural values, politics, and general approach to daily life without really questioning the established practices as much as you probably ought to. You might develop ideas about what is normal or, more dangerously, the right or wrong way of doing things based on the society you’ve lived in. But moving to somewhere new exposes you to fresh and different ways of doing things, so many of which are rooted in logic, necessity or history (and ok some might just be weird) which makes you question the validity of the values and norms that were part of your daily life at home. As I have sought to understand the reason for why things are done differently in Japan it has made me think that perhaps I need to be more curious and question why things are done the way they are in the UK too!
March: Making friends in a new place as an adult is awesome
In fact, it is so awesome that I actually decided to write a separate post about it which you can read here.
April: I speak like an imbecile when I am speaking English to non-native English speakers
I like to think that it is because I am subconsciously showing empathy that I have the tendency to speak English like an imbecile when speaking to non-native English speakers. I probably did it before but I only really noticed this over the past few months as my interactions with the number of people for whom English is not their first language sharply increased.
At language school, English is the second or third language for most of the other students. They generally speak English incredibly well. Whereas my early encounters with them probably left them wondering if I had lied when I said I was from the UK. Often I will also stop talking sense in restaurants. If Japanese staff speak to me in English I start to reply in broken English, and now broken Japanese, to make the situation even worse.
Thankfully my terrible English begins to fade once I get into a proper conversation so I have been able to redeem myself with any friends I have made. But there’s no improving the awkward interactions in restaurants.
May: One day I’d like to live in a place where people can pronounce my name correctly
In the UK, most people (including some who were perfectly capable of pronouncing it) butchered my forename to “Key-rat” or “Queerat”. The Japanese are actually a lot better and get pretty close, which is great, but I am fighting them on their urge to add a little “o” at the end of my name and call me “Qiraato”.
Despite my complaints, I love having such a unique name (I’ve never heard of or met anyone else called Qiraat) and I’d never give up the opportunity to call the UK and now Japan home.
June: It sucks not being at home for Eid but having your mother-in-law hand deliver presents from your mum helps
I have been incredibly lucky to be able to celebrate every Eid with my family at home up until our move to Tokyo. The only time I have felt homesick in the entire time that we have been here was in the run-up to Eid when the reality of not being at home for Eid dawned on me. Of course we had acknowledged that we would be away from family for special occasions ahead of our move but as Eid got closer I started to get mopey and had a good weep one evening - sorry for not telling you mum!
So we thought about how we could make sure that Eid day was still a special day and considered going away for a trip. In the end we decided to stay at home and planned a mixture of things that were new (i.e. decorating our flat to get into the festive spirit because we are excellent at decorating rooms) and the things we would have done had we been at home (e.g. selecting new or special outfits and getting dressed up for the day and I even sent my mum selfies of me trying on different outfits to get her opinion on what to wear).
The most essential part of making sure Eid felt like Eid was making sure we had our Eid feast. Back at home in the UK, I generally had very little involvement in the preparation of the feast that would magically appear in front of me. In the absence of food cooked by my mum and grandmother, I got in touch with my favourite Pakistani restaurant in Tokyo, where they know me as the “girl from England”. They recognised my voice as soon as I called as I always end up chatting to them in Urdu when we go to the restaurant. I placed a ridiculously huge order for our Eid feast: chicken biryani, lamb biryani, spinach and lamb curry, chicken curry, aubergine curry, probably another vegetarian curry for Wil, pakoras, lamb chops, rotis, naans and gulaab jaaman. In the absence of homecooked chicken pilau it was the perfect Eid menu.
One of Eid’s charms (or quirks) is that you can never really predict the exact day it will fall on and you only really find out the day before. Luckily for us, Wil’s mum arrived on what ended up being Eid morning which made the day so special and better than I could have imagined as it was wonderful to have family with us in Tokyo to celebrate.
What made things even better was that my mother-in-law's suitcase was full of Eid presents from my mum, sister and grandmother but we displayed great restraint by not opening the presents straightaway and only opened the Eid card from them which was full of photos from other Eids at home - I obviously had another weep, but only a small one. But it is ok, my mum knows that I “had a little moment”.
After a thoroughly enjoyable Eid lunch, my mother-in-law laid out all our presents, a pile for me and a pile for Wil, on our sofa and we Facetimed my Mum so she could watch us open the presents. It was a good haul and my Mum even sent me a box of mint Matchmakers which have formed part of my Eid present for many years.
We spent the rest of the day catching up with Wil’s mum, eating and in a general mood of merriment. My Eid ended with me calling my mum at about 7am the next morning but it was still 11pm the night before in the UK and the Eid celebrations were still going strong. As Wil and his mum were still asleep and our flat is tiny, with very few sound proof doors, I called my mum from the bathroom as that was the most soundproof spot in the flat. My mum was at our friends’ house where we usually spend Eid evening so I got to Facetime the whole gang and wish them Eid Mubarak bleary eyed, in my pyjamas and from the bathroom floor!
So although the run-up to my "first Eid away from home" had been sad, the day itself could not have been better, with some other unexpected positives like my "first Eid in charge" and my "first Eid with my new family" after marriage!
July: Having a blank slate is tough
The pressure of “making the most” of my time in Japan and balancing that with the fact that sometimes it’s ok to just sit and not every moment needs to be spectacular is hard. Knowing that I can do anything I want each day is incredible but part of me would like a little more direction to help narrow down the options as “anything” really means anything. And the number of options in a city the size of Tokyo are overwhelming.
The first month or so we were here were spent living in a hotel and setting up our flat so it didn’t feel as though life in Japan had started properly. Since then I’ve:
enrolled at intensive Japanese language school and I have passed the lowest level in the official Japanese proficiency test (but I’ve had a bit of a break recently and really need to get back to studying!)
spent many hours exploring Tokyo (it really is humungous and there’s still so much to see)
socialised a lot (it is no longer a logistical nightmare so I am making the most of it)
picked up old hobbies (I am trying to get back into playing my ukulele)
testing out some hobbies (I’ve tried Japanese calligraphy and so far my verdict is that there is a lot of technique involved and I just like making interesting images on a page - that is the sort of blank slate I relish!
definitely not done anywhere near the amount of exercise I could be doing for someone who has all in the time in the world (but I guess there’s still time to build good habits).
My time in Tokyo has been extremely relaxing and fun, but as we got into our sixth month here, I began to think harder about what I can do to make the most of my time here as the free time I have here is not a luxury I want to waste. For the time being I am making use of a two month pass that lets you into 92 different museums, galleries and attractions in Tokyo - time to be a culture vulture! I have been waiting to buy this pass since we arrived and the summer months seem like the best time as it is just far too hot to be outside. So my plan is to seek refuge in air conditioned buildings whilst ogling the wonderful objects they have on display.
Any suggestions based on what you think you would during a career break would be very welcome!
Oh, to finish, here are some bonus photos I have taken of things being reflected in water.
Setting the scene for as I wrote this blog:
Location: On a train and finished it off at home a few weeks ago (and then delayed posting it for a while for no good reason)
Weather: Ridiculously hot. We are in the middle of a heatwave in Japan with the temperature hovering above 35°C often and it feels far hotter - today it peaked at 50°C. I ventured out briefly to have a cold drink in a cafe and then came straight back home!
Soundtrack: Christine and the Queens.
Bonus fact: When Wil and I got married, we briefly considered double-barrelling our surnames but it wasn’t really an option as that would have meant Wil would have ended up with a surname he couldn’t pronounce. As hilarious as that would have been unfortunately I am not that cruel.
